Firewood
by rinda.fullmoon
Summary: "Some choices are easy. Some stay with you forever." Alternate ending to firewood scene- 3x07.


**Italicised parts are quotes lifted from the scene :) please enjoy, R&R 3**

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"_I don't understand how anyone would want to hurt their friends."_

"_No, you'd just poison them."_

The words hit him like a slap in the face. A double dose of malice and truth that left a bitter taste in his mouth. Her hard gaze was as cold and smooth as a frozen lake. He could not bring himself to continue staring into those bottomless pools of betrayal and anger. It reminded him too much of the warmth and love that had once been there. It reminded him too much of what they had lost. He let his own gaze drop.

"_You'd do well, Merlin, to stay out of things that do not concern you."_

Something like anger growled within him, and in its hot depths he found the strength to face her again. Her grey eyes were still full of that cold rage, but now, so were his. It took effort for him to prevent them from flashing golden.

"_Oh but they do concern me,"_ he began, striding towards her, pine needles crunching softly under his boots._ "Because they're my friends too. And I will do whatever it takes…"_ His voice was soft, but somehow far more dangerous than if he had been shouting. Her face broke into a quizzical frown and she began to copy his movement, so that they came to stand not a metre apart. Once, his anger might have shocked and frightened Morgana, but that time was long gone. The gentle, innocent Merlin she had known had vanished. Merlin her friend had deserted her the moment he had handed her that water-skin. _"To protect them."_

Morgana almost scoffed, but contented herself with smirking up into his stony face. Protecting them. That dirty little hypocrite. If he thought that he, or any of them, were still her friends, were still worthy of her love, then he must be a bigger idiot than she had first thought. _"I would expect nothing less."_ Venom dripped from her words, hissing like acid on metal. Rage barely contained, she slammed the kindling in her arms at his feet and brushed past him.

Hurt and anger crashed over him, mirroring hers as he reached out to snatch at her wrist. Her mouth had only just begun to open in shock by the time he had her pinned against the nearest tree, both her wrists pressed firmly above her head, rough bark scraping into her white skin. His face contorted into a vicious snarl that she had never seen before.

"Merlin! Let me go, you fool!" She shrieked, struggling against him. He did not move or relax his grip, only continued to bore into her with those blue eyes, full of crystalline fire. She gave up on fighting him, meeting his stare with one of her own. Still, his voice remained low and fierce as he hissed, slowly and vehemently, into her face. "Whatever it is you're doing, whatever it is that you and Morgause have planned, mark my words, I _will_ stop you. I cannot …. I will not let you hurt Arthur, or Gwen, so long as I have breath in my body. You will see me dead and buried, Morgana, before any harm of your design befalls them. And you _know_, that if I have to kill you to save them, God help me, but I will." His grip tightened and her wrists began to sting. Still, she refused to let her pain show. She would not let him win. And yet, her pain echoed his.

She would never understand how it hurt him to say those words. She could not possibly comprehend how the guilt stabbed at his heart, as he solemnly swore to end her life. There was nothing that hurt more, in his mind, than promising to kill someone he had loved. It could break a man's spirit, and it threatened to destroy his. Yet she could not see his pain. She could only see his hatred.

"So be it." She whispered back at him.

Rage and despair choked him as he lost control. He thought he might have almost killed her then and there as the branches of the tree began to bend down towards her, their shadow clouding out the soft forest light. He was powerless to his instincts as he watched the wood begin to slowly snake around her body and arms, writhing with his power and trapping her against the trunk more securely than any rope. Terror flashed across her face as the wood tightened painfully around her torso. Gasping, he dropped her wrists and released the unbidden spell. The tree stopped moving with sinuous grace. Panting, he stared at Morgana in shock. But his surprise was nothing compared to hers. Her beautiful eyes were cast wide with astonishment, large enough for him to see his own in them, gold gently fading back to blue, as her fear was replaced by betrayal.

Her gaze narrowed, and she glared at him, loathing magnified tenfold.

"You never told me," she declared, simply, her voice empty and incredulous. The boy, it seemed, had deserted her far earlier than she had first thought. "You just left me to wander around in the darkness, with no idea how to control it. And you wonder why I hate you."

Another slap in the face. Merlin stared at her, pleadingly, willing her to understand. But he knew there was nothing left. It could never be undone. She watched, unflinching, unrelenting, as his eyes grew bright with moisture.

"I tried," he choked.

She could not contain her scorn, as a hollow smirk twisted across her face. "No. You didn't," she sneered.

He could not convince himself that she was wrong. A single tear rolled down his cheek, casting its silver trail over his pale skin.

"I'm sorry."

She did not move.

Suddenly, he could withstand her fierce, accusing eyes no longer. Sweeping past her tree, he marched out of the clearing as more tears followed the first. Frustrated, he scrubbed at his face, smearing them across his nose. His hot, bitter anger was gone, leaving a crushing sadness and guilt in its wake. Sadness because he had lost her, and guilt because he knew, at the end of the day, it was his fault. His choices, however well-intentioned, had made her into what she was. His actions had forged the hatred now fuelled by Morgause's ambition. And yet, he would never ask for her forgiveness. How could he?

How could he ask her to open her heart, when he could not begin to forgive himself?


End file.
